Uprising
Seeing you again it was like the center of the sun had been wrapped tightly like a winter in Oregon…your energy trapped in a self-absorbed bubble;
I doubt you even let HIM into it all that often. I might be wrong.
But the Pandemic and the weather serve as nice excuses for the real reason:
you’re scared of knowing me, of finding parts of yourself that might cast doubt on your choices of whom you’re with and what you’re doing with your time.
The other side to this is my reluctance to go into any detail or specificity about my life, perhaps in response to how little time of day you give me.
I’m trying to protect my spark, to not feel compromised or taken advantage of or abandoned.
All in all, seeing you was meaningful, much better than just slugging back a couple beers in a bar.
The way I reacted to the Memorial, the way you complemented and comforted me. It was wonderful—there was some real shit, a most positive connection.
I know now that I’m not gonna pursue you—I will entertain a relationship if you come to me,
but it’s not worth putting my life and my love on hold to chase you or wait for you.